Homesick in Holland: Building Community as an American in Amsterdam

When the excitement wears off

You arrive in Amsterdam with a sense of adventure. Everything is charming, efficient, and just foreign enough to feel like a fresh start. But then—often weeks or months in—it hits. A quiet sense of longing. Not necessarily for a specific place, but for a feeling: familiarity, warmth, belonging.

For many American expats, homesickness doesn’t show up as dramatic grief, but as a subtle undercurrent. You might feel more tired than usual. Less motivated. A bit irritable. You might find yourself scrolling longer through photos of old friends or craving foods you never cared about back home.

This is not failure. It’s adjustment. It’s your body and mind processing the dislocation that comes with crossing oceans, time zones, and cultures.

The ache is real. But so is the potential for growth, connection, and self-reinvention.

The cultural shift nobody talks about

There’s a quiet intimacy to American culture that we only notice in its absence. The shared sense of humor. The small talk. The casual openness of making fast friends over a drink or a walk.

In the Netherlands, relationships tend to be built more slowly, more intentionally. Conversations are often direct, even blunt. Social gatherings happen by appointment. Group dynamics can feel insular.

It’s not wrong—it’s different. But for many American expats, especially those outside of structured communities (like universities or corporate circles), this can lead to a sense of isolation. You’re in a beautiful city, but you don’t quite feel in it.

You might begin to ask:

• Why does it feel like I’m always the one reaching out?

• Will these connections ever deepen?

• What if I never feel fully “at home” here?

Missing home without losing yourself

Homesickness isn’t just about place—it’s about identity. Who are you when you’re no longer surrounded by what’s familiar?

The good news: this discomfort, while painful, is also clarifying. It can show you:

• What you truly value in connection

• What parts of your identity feel essential

• How you want to engage with the world around you

From a therapeutic perspective, homesickness is a doorway. Not to return to the past—but to deepen into your present.

Finding your people

You don’t need a huge circle to feel connected. But you do need meaningful contact. Here are a few ideas that have helped my clients (and myself) find solid ground:

• Start where you’re passionate. Join a local improv class, queer book club, or bilingual cooking workshop. You’ll meet people who already share something with you.

• Allow slowness. Dutch friendships take time to build—but once they’re there, they tend to be solid and loyal.

• Name your experience. You don’t have to pretend you’re thriving. Being honest with a new friend about feeling out of place can be a surprising bridge.

• Limit comparison. It’s tempting to think others have it all figured out. But everyone’s navigating something.

• Therapy as community-building. Therapy isn’t socializing, but it is connection. It’s a space to be fully seen, heard, and understood—without pressure.

Psychotherapy for American Expats in Amsterdam

At Aurore Counseling we understand this transition firsthand. We’ve worked with clients navigating everything from deep grief to mild disorientation—often both at once.

In sessions, we explore what’s underneath the surface:

• Are you grieving a version of yourself?

• Are you afraid of putting down roots you may one day leave?

• Are old patterns—perfectionism, people-pleasing, self-doubt—being triggered by your expat experience?

Together, we work to untangle these threads. We don’t try to “fix” homesickness. We use it. We let it guide us back to values, clarity, and choice.