From Regret to Resilience: How Therapy and a Growth Mindset Shift the Story

Most of us carry a few quiet regrets—decisions we replay in our heads, wondering if we acted too soon, waited too long, or missed a better option. For expats in particular, far from familiar support systems, these internal narratives can feel louder. Whether it’s a relationship left behind, a career shift, or a health decision made in transition, regret has a way of sticking.

But what if regret wasn’t something to erase—but something to understand, soften, and even grow from?

This is where psychotherapy and the concept of the growth mindset meet—offering practical tools to shift your perspective, reduce emotional reactivity, and bring a more self-compassionate story into view.

Regret vs. Growth

Regret tends to whisper: “You did it wrong.” It’s fixated on hindsight, colored by a belief that you should have known better. But a growth mindset reframes that entirely—it says, “I made the best decision I could with what I knew then, and I’ve grown from it.”

That’s not just feel-good psychology. It’s backed by research that shows how flexible thinking, especially through CBT-based techniques, builds emotional resilience and supports long-term mental health.

Psychotherapy works by helping you:

• Identify the automatic thought (e.g. “I failed by doing X”).

• Evaluate the evidence behind it (“What facts support this—and what facts contradict it?”).

• Generate a more balanced thought (“I made a solid choice based on the info I had then—and it led to growth.”).

This shift isn’t about pretending everything was perfect. It’s about making space for nuance, acceptance, and self-leadership.

Why This Matters for Expats

Living abroad tends to amplify reflection. You’re constantly adjusting—language, career, healthcare, relationships—and that pressure can trigger old perfectionistic tendencies. Many clients we see in Amsterdam feel they must always “get it right,” even while navigating a totally new system.

Therapy can help pause that loop. Together, we map the inner dialogue, gently challenge it, and build a narrative that’s rooted in both responsibility and kindness. We learn to say: “Yes, I might do it differently now. But that version of me made a brave call—and look how far I’ve come.”

It’s not about erasing your past. It’s about reclaiming it.

Building a New Mental Habit

Like all new habits, cognitive reframing takes practice. But small mental shifts make a big difference over time. Imagine going from “I messed that up” to “I was learning in real time, and I’ve grown because of it.” That shift ripples outward—it reduces shame, increases motivation, and reconnects you with agency.

At Aurore Counseling in Amsterdam, we use CBT and ACT-inspired approaches to help expats reframe unhelpful patterns, build emotional flexibility, and move forward with clarity. Therapy doesn’t erase your past—but it does offer tools to write a more empowered version of your story.

If you’re ready to let go of unhelpful regret and embrace a mindset grounded in growth and self-trust, therapy can help you get there—step by step, thought by thought.