When Anger Takes the Wheel
- Aurore Counseling
- Nov 7, 2023
- 3 min read
It’s a feeling that can be both powerful and frightening. One moment, you’re dealing with a minor frustration—a difficult colleague, a delayed train, a miscommunication with a partner. The next, a "flashpoint" occurs. It feels like a hijack; a hot, reactive wave washes over you, and suddenly you are no longer in control. You say things you don't mean. You react in a way that feels disproportionate, and later, you're left with a wake of regret, confusion, and shame.
If this sounds familiar, you are not alone. This experience of anger "taking the wheel" is a common and deeply distressing human challenge, one that can feel amplified by the unique pressures of expat life in Amsterdam.
But this pattern is not a life sentence. It is a protective response that can be understood and, with the right tools, rerouted.
Why Anger Feels Like a Hijack
When you feel threatened—whether the threat is a physical danger or, more commonly, a psychological one like feeling disrespected, unheard, or powerless—your brain's ancient survival system (the amygdala) can take over. It floods your body with adrenaline and cortisol, preparing you to fight or flee. This is the "flashpoint." In this state, your rational,-thinking mind (the prefrontal cortex) is temporarily offline.
The problem is, this system isn't very good at telling the difference between a life-threatening event and a perceived slight to your ego or values. It just reacts to "threat." When you feel like anger controls you, it's often because this protective system has become over-sensitive, stuck in a pattern of perceiving threats where they may not exist.
Taking the Reins Back: It Starts with a Pause
Counseling for controlling anger is not about extinguishing the fire; it's about learning to become the fire's master. It's about learning how to create a crucial space between a trigger and your reaction.
1. Learn Your Personal Warning Signs The hijack doesn't happen from 0 to 100. There are subtle warning signs: a tensing of the jaw, a tightness in the chest, a rising heat, a quickening of your thoughts. In therapy, we help you become a detective of your own inner world, learning to spot these cues before the flashpoint.
2. Master the "Sacred Pause" Noticing the signs gives you the power to create a pause. This pause is your greatest tool. It can be a conscious, deep breath. It can be the act of taking a sip of water. It can be saying, "I need to step away for a minute." This simple action interrupts the hijack and allows your rational mind to come back online.
3. Get Curious, Not Furious In that pause, you gain the ability to get curious. Instead of reacting from the anger, you learn to look at it. We help you ask, "What is this anger trying to protect? What value is being stepped on right now?" Often, you'll find it's protecting a feeling of vulnerability or a deep-seated value like "I need to be respected" or "I need to feel safe."
Start the Conversation in Amsterdam
You don't have to be a passenger to your own emotions. Learning to control your anger is a skill that brings profound relief, improving your relationships, your career, and your relationship with yourself.
At Aurore Counseling, we provide a safe space to explore the roots of your anger. Our counseling in Amsterdam is not about judgment; it's about providing practical tools to help you take the reins back. As English-speaking and French-speaking therapists, we are here to support you in the language you feel most at home in.
