The Emotional Backlog: Why Busy Expats Can't Outrun Their Feelings

Life as an expat in Amsterdam is a whirlwind. Between navigating a demanding career, building a new social circle, and adapting to the rhythms of a foreign city, your calendar fills up with an almost relentless momentum. It’s easy to slip into what we might call “fighter’s mode”— a state of constant doing, planning, and achieving. You wake up, check your emails while your coffee brews, listen to a podcast on your commute, and move from one task to the next until you collapse into bed at night.

This state of perpetual motion feels productive. It feels necessary. But for many of us, it’s also a subconscious strategy to keep something else at bay: the complex, messy, and often uncomfortable world of our own emotions.

The High Cost of Being "Too Busy to Feel"

We often believe that by saturating our minds with tasks and information, we can sidestep feelings of anxiety, loneliness, or self-doubt.

It's a pattern many clients bring to expat psychotherapy in Amsterdam—this feeling of being overwhelmed yet disconnected. We tell ourselves we’re just being efficient, but in reality, we are practicing experiential avoidance. We are actively, albeit unconsciously, sidestepping the inner discomfort that is an inevitable part of the expat experience.

The problem is, emotions don't simply disappear when we ignore them. Instead, they accumulate. Think of it as an emotional backlog. Throughout the day, every small spike of stress, every pang of homesickness, every flicker of insecurity gets pushed aside. But these feelings wait for you.

They wait until the moment the noise stops—when you finally close your laptop, when you’re sitting alone in your apartment. Suddenly, that carefully suppressed backlog comes rushing in, often feeling like a disproportionate wave of stress, irritability, or profound unease. This can manifest as symptoms of burnout or heightened anxiety, common challenges that impact expat mental health. This is the backdraft of a day spent running from yourself.

From Avoidance to Acceptance

So, how do we begin to clear this backlog without being overwhelmed? The answer, paradoxically, isn’t to "fix" these feelings, but to change our relationship with them. This is the core of modern therapeutic approaches:

1. Acknowledge the "Fighter's Mode."

The first step is simply to notice when you are in this state. You don’t need to judge it; just see it for what it is—a familiar pattern, a well-worn survival strategy that a skilled therapist can help you understand and soften.

2. Practice Mindful Pausing.

You don’t need to meditate for an hour. The goal is to sprinkle small moments of awareness throughout your day. When you’re waiting for the tram, take a moment to feel your feet on the ground. These micro-pauses act as circuit breakers, gently pulling you from the grip of your thoughts and into the present moment.

3. Welcome the Unwanted Guest.

When a difficult feeling does arise, see if you can treat it not as an enemy, but as a guest. You can say to yourself, "Ah, here is that feeling of anxiety again. I will make a little space for it." By allowing a feeling to be there, you rob it of its power to control you. You learn that you are big enough to contain even the most uncomfortable emotions.

A Path to Greater Balance

Engaging with your emotional world isn't a sign of weakness; it's a courageous step toward balance and authentic living. At Aurore Counseling, our focus is on providing expert expat psychotherapy in Amsterdam. We offer a secure, compassionate space to explore these patterns. As a English & French-speaking therapists, we ensure you can express your whole self in the language that feels most natural.

Together, we can help you move from a life of avoidance to one of acceptance, empowering you to navigate the complexities of your journey and build a more resilient, authentic life abroad.