Taming Your Inner Critic on Your Expat Journey

You’ve done it! You navigated the bureaucracy, landed the job, and built a new life in Amsterdam. From the outside, you are the picture of success. But internally, there’s often an unseen passenger along for the ride: a relentless, critical voice that whispers doubts in your ear.

It’s the voice that, after a successful presentation, focuses on the one minor slip-up. It’s the one that tells you you’re not networking effectively enough, not learning Dutch fast enough, or not "making the most" of this incredible opportunity, that your are not feeling great often enough.

This passenger is your inner critic. And for expats, who are already under immense pressure to adapt and perform, its voice can become deafening.

Why the Inner Critic Gets Louder Abroad

Your inner critic is not a new voice; it's a well-worn neural pathway, often developed in childhood as a way to keep you safe from judgment or failure. Its intention is protective, but its method is harsh. When you move abroad, you step into a world of constant novelty and evaluation, which sends this protective mechanism into overdrive.

This can manifest as:

• Imposter Syndrome: The persistent feeling that you are a fraud and will soon be exposed, despite your clear qualifications and accomplishments.

  
  

• Performance Anxiety: An intense fear of making mistakes, leading to over-preparing, procrastination, or avoiding new challenges altogether.

  
  

• Compulsive Behaviors: The need to repeatedly check your work, rehearse conversations in your head, or seek constant reassurance from others.

This internal monologue isn't just stressful; it's exhausting. It drains your energy and prevents you from enjoying the very life you've worked so hard to build. Taming this voice is essential for sustainable expat mental health.

A Guide to Taming Your Critic

The goal isn’t to silence your inner critic—fighting it often only makes it louder. The goal is to change your relationship with it, shifting from a place of fusion to a place of detached observation. This is a central skill we cultivate in expat psychotherapy.

1. Notice and Name the Voice

The first step is to recognize when the critic is speaking. Instead of accepting its commentary as truth, simply label it. You can say to yourself, "Ah, the critic is here," or even give it a name (like "the Judge" or "Mr. Perfectionist"). This simple act creates a crucial sliver of space between you and the voice.

2. Acknowledge its Protective Intent

Remember, the critic is trying to help, albeit in a clumsy way. You can mentally thank it for its input: "Thank you for trying to keep me safe, but I’ve got this." This non-confrontational approach calms the nervous system and reduces the critic's power. It’s a technique often used by a therapist to help clients defuse from harsh self-judgment.

3. Anchor in the Present Moment

When the critic pulls you into a spiral of past regrets or future worries, bring your attention back to your senses. Feel your feet on the floor. Notice three things you can see in the room. Take one deep breath. This "anchoring" technique brings you back to the present reality, where you are safe and the critic’s catastrophic stories are just that—stories.

Finding Your Own Voice

Taming your inner critic is about reclaiming your own narrative. It’s about learning to trust your own competence, to practice self-compassion, and to define success on your own terms. It’s a journey that allows your own authentic voice—the one that is curious, kind, and courageous—to finally take the lead.

At Aurore Counseling, we provide a compassionate and confidential space to do this work. As a English & French-speaking therapist in Amsterdam, we specialize in helping expats untangle themselves from these harsh inner dialogues. Together, we can explore the roots of your inner critic and develop the tools you need to turn down its volume, allowing you to live with greater confidence and peace of mind.